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TT #32: The Movie Critic

Thursday Thirteen

Why People Don’t Watch Movies with Me

The following are comments people who’ve sat next to me in movie theatres have had to listen to.  For the record, I actually like and own eight of the movies below (guns, explosions, wisecracks…I’m pretty easy), but that doesn’t make me blind to their flaws.  Imagine the claws that come out for movies in genres I hate.

Number 1
Considering the size and proximity of those three suns, the gravitational forces would tear that planet apart. (Pitch Black)

Number 2
Why can’t people get it right? Qatar is pronounced “Qutter”! (Transformers)

Number 3
If the asteroid’s the size of Texas, those pipes should’ve floated away into space instead of bouncing repeatedly because of the weaker gravitational force. (Armageddon)

Number 4
He should be dead. You see that black stuff seeping out? The bullet hit the liver or spleen. EMS wouldn’t have gotten to him in time to save him. (The Sixth Sense)

Number 5
How does she know who’s coming up behind her to put a bullet in her head if she’s listening to her iPod? (Blade Trinity)

Number 6
Unless those leather pants are faux stretch leather, the seams should’ve split. (Charlie’s Angels)

Number 7
An alcoholic is not going to master bushido in three months. And’s he not going to become skilled enough to beat men who have been studying it since they learned to walk. (The Last Samurai)

Number 8
They’re a technologically advanced alien race. How did they not know the spaceship entering the mothership was one that went missing over 50 years ago? Wouldn’t it look obvious? Haven’t the spaceships advanced over time?  Don’t they have some sort of electronic identification system? (Independence Day)

Number 9
The ultimate weapon of mass destruction–and its one vulnerability is exposed. Probably designed by the same engineers who thought filling a balloon with hydrogen would be a brilliant idea. (Star Wars)

Number 10
How do you build an evil overlord’s lair that’s the size of the Empire State Building without anyone taking notice? The massive amounts of materials required, the workers…and no one noticed?!? (Any James Bond movie.)

Number 11
Why would an undercover government agent leave the door open while taking off her clothes and exposing the wires strapped to her body? (Swordfish)

Number 12
You know, they could just pull the power cord instead of standing there like idiots. You can’t steal data from a server that’s not powered on. (Any hacker movie written by wannabe-geeks.)

Number 13
It could be cocaine, or it could be rat poison. Wouldn’t it be safer to test the product with a reagent instead of putting it in your mouth? (Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, etc.)

Why Is She Torturing Me?

Tami Hoag’s Deeper Than the Dead, originally scheduled for December 2008, is now postponed until February 2010.  I hope my source is wrong but if she isn’t, I’m going to need a lot of chocolate.

Can’t…Stop…Editing…

NaNoWriMo is all about quantity over quality. You must meet the word count come hell or high water. You’re not supposed to edit. Just type 1667 words each and every day for thirty days.

It’s day 18 and I’m nowhere near 30k words. Now, mind you, I have been writing more in the last two weeks than I have in the last few months and I’m so close to finishing a WIP that I can almost taste it. (Yay for me!) Anyway, my issue is I edit as I write. I cannot not edit. It’s a compulsion that cannot be switched off like a lamp. For instance, every time I open up a WIP, I skim-edit as I scroll to the bottom of the document and make changes that jump out at me.  I don’t even think about it; I just do it.  Yesterday, I hammered out 1500 words…and discarded 500. So only 67% of my words are deemed acceptable…at this stage.

(The “at this stage” is because I do at least two rounds of edits when the manuscript is complete and a lot more words get slashed at those stages. Also, did I mention I have a WIP that, so far, has a discarded file of 127k words? Nope, I’m so not an efficient writer.)

So, can I meet the NaNoWriMo goal? If I stop deleting words between now and November 30, probably. But I have to consider the extra time I will have to spend editing later on if I don’t do my light editing now. *sigh* Decisions, decisions.

On the bright side, have you looked at the progress metres on my WIP page?   :D

The Not-so-hypothetical Dilemma

One final thing before my week-long hiatus:

I have a friend completed book that’s ready for publication, but it’s a little out of character for me.  If I submit it to my current editor, she’ll probably accept it for publication and I’ll make a nice little (stress the “little”) chunk of change.  However, I’m iffy about attaching my name to a manuscript with (1) a Big Mis, (2) a not-quite-over-the-top alpha hero, and (3) a minor suspense plot anyone with a double digit IQ can solve.

My advance readers (all two of ‘em who managed to pry the manuscript from my clutches) really enjoyed it, but they agreed it isn’t something they expected from me.

I must ponder this some more while I’m wining and dining people on the company’s tab.

ETA: I wrote the above 50+k story in six months…and the current 25k novella has been a WIP for over ONE YEAR!!!  Maybe I’m trying too hard with the novella.

The Things I Do for Work

There are out-to-town visitors at the Clark Kent job whom I need to wine and dine this week.  See y’all in seven days!

I Take You to the Fingerpointing in Progress

If there wasn’t such an age gap, I’d guess former Miss Runner-Up Alaska and Miss Teen USA South Carolina were separated at birth. What does it say about the current incarnation of the GOP’s respect for the American people when they were willing to put this woman a ker-thump away from the presidency?

Only In Sarah Palin’s State

Senator Ted Stevens was convicted on seven counts of violating federal ethics laws…and it looks like Alaska still re-elected him yesterday. The words on the tip of my tongue are simply not printable.  If Palin appoints herself to his Senate seat, Alaskans will get what they deserve. (Just realized Alaska is one of the few states where ousted senators are replaced with special elections and not gubernatorial appointments.) If Palin decides to run for the Senate seat to remain in US national politics and the Alaskans vote her in, which they very well could since they had no problem supporting Stevens despite his conviction, they will deserve what they get. The rest of the US, however, will not.

More For Me Than For You

The concession speech that harkens back to the John McCain of 2000:

President-elect of the United States Barack Obama takes the first step in fulfilling a campaign promise to reach across all lines:

Never thought I’d see Condi Rice look so…moved:

And it’s obvious I’m a little in love with Colin Powell:

TT #31: I’ll Take the Lump of Coal

When Tech and Fashion Go Horribly Wrong
Or Items Not On My Christmas List

Number 1
May this Nintendo DS rest in peace.

Number 2
Those polka dots are really rubies. Yes, RUBIES.

Number 3
These headphones might be on the Christmas wish list of a certain governor who can see Russia from her state.

Number 4
I guess theft-deterrent wasn’t on the design objectives list.

Number 5
Part of me is dying inside to see a notebook computer so deformed.

Number 6
When is gold leaf ever a good idea?

Number 7
It’s actually uglier than the monstrosities that came out in the early 80s.

Number 8
Like the vehicles, overpriced toys for people who don’t actually need them.  Don’t these people know Hummer is a dying brand?

Number 9
My binder in junior high didn’t look this horrific.

Number 10
80s leg warmers died for these headphones!!

Number 11
Apple doesn’t make sunglasses, so Oakley shouldn’t make MP3 players.

Number 12
It’s like an 80s Japanese-inspired TV from IKEA.  The sad part is not even IKEA would market this monstrosities.

Number 13
I’m so loving my little clam shell cell phone right now.

I Can Now Forgive Florida

In case you somehow managed not to be glued to the news for the last 3 hours, the 44th President of the United States will be Barack Obama.  John McCain, in his gracious concession speech that revealed there are still traces of the McCain of 2000 somewhere inside him, urged his supporters to accept Obama because he’s the president of those who voted for him and those who didn’t.

With two wars, a financial crisis, and health and education in the US on life support, Obama won’t be easing into his job starting January 20, 2009.  I hope Americans understand these issues will take time to resolve.  And I hope the Secret Service is as good as they say they are so Obama will have that time.

Indecision 2008 is over.  My life can return to its regularly scheduled programming.